College Version of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Propel, propel, propel your craft
Placidly down the liquid solution,

Ecstatically, Ecstatically, Ecstatically, Ecstatically,
Existence is just an illusion!

College Version of "Three Blind Mice"

A trio of non-seeing rodents,
A trio of non-seeing rodents,
Visualize how they perambulate
Visualize how they perambulate;

They all scurry after the agrarian's spouse,
She severed their projections with a cleaver,

Did you ever witness such a spectacle in your existence
As a trio of non-seeing rodents.

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title St. Nicholas.

Hamlet's Soliloquy in Jargonese (Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch)

To be, or the contrary? Whether the former or the latter be preferable would seem to admit of some difference of opinion; the answer in the present case being of an affirmative or a negative character according as to whether on elects on the one hand to mentally suffer the disfavor of fortune, albeit in a extreme degree, or on the other to boldly envisage adverse conditions in the prospect of eventually bringing them to a conclusion. The condition of sleep is similar to, if not indistinguishable from that of death; and with the addition of finality, the former might be considered identical with the latter: so that in this connection it might be argued with regard to sleep, that, could the addition be effected, a termination would be put to the endurance of a multiplicity of inconveniences, not to mention a number of downright evils incidental to our fallen humanity, and thus a consummation achieved of a most gratifying nature.

Last Modified: 5/31/00